Fear is a very common emotion. It’s helpers are anxiety and worries. One would think that if one is afraid of something, they should steer clear of it. Yet, there is a point where fear is good. In actuality, fear is not the right word. It is too drastic. Nervousness is a word that seems too weak. Whatever the word is between those two is what I will describe.

That rush before you do something daring, those butterflies before you decide to take that jump. A healthy sense of anticipation helps the adrenaline flow.

What does this have to do with BDSM? Well, this feeling is used for pleasure in the BDSM. You heighten your senses when you know you are about to do something that some people would think to be crazy.

The Dominant, in either just the scene or for everyday use, uses this anticipation feeling to their advantage. It could be as simple as texting the other person, “Be naked when I get home.” Words are powerful especially in a BDSM lifestyle. During just a scene or play , words aren’t used as often because you have less time. However, just telling the submissive person what you are going to do to them will bring them to a sense of …anticipation.

Actions , they say, speak louder than words, and it’s very true, but sometimes words will bring you to new heights you didn’t know existed.

The mind is a very powerful thing. I do believe there are times when I can control how I feel by telling my brain what to do. Mind over matter. Because the brain is so intelligent, it is no wonder it is also a good place to get someone hot. By listening, reading or watching something erotic, it is the gateway to having amazing sex.

Back to the fear, though. The mind can help, but it can also hinder when two partners are doing BDSM play. Sometimes it is only when a person says or does something , especially in BDSM, that the submissive’s memory is triggered and brings up something that makes the afraid. Do not push through and continue , just because you know both of you will love the end result. Stop what is happening and hold the submissive or whatever is the most comforting. Listen to their fear and explanation. Then show them how what you are doing is different.

Rule 3 in BDSM: be sensitive of your partner, know when to turn it on and off.


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