BDSM vs. Abuse

 

BDSM vs. abuse….one would think that maybe this might be easy to figure out the difference…however for some people, it’s not that obvious.

The most important thing to remember is consent. If both parties did not give consent then it is abuse.  However, it may be difficult to know whether you consented to it or not. Here are some things to remember if you feel like you are in a situation where it is either borderline abuse or just abuse:

  1. If you did not put in your contract, or some other kind of formal agreement as something that you want, it is abuse. Even if it’s something you briefly talked about but did not confirm.
  2. If it is a soft limit, but you realize it actually is a hard limit, don’t just grit and bare it, use your safeword.
  3. Speaking of safeword, if you say the safeword but your partner is not responding like they heard it because you have something in your mouth, do not give up. Do everything you possibly can to get their attention.
  4. If your partner does one of your hard limits.
  5. If your partner does anything that is either something you are okay with or a soft limit and does not follow up with some sort of aftercare. The aftercare does not have to be anything too elaborate, just a simple conversation or a hug.
  6. If your partner uses their position as Dom/submissive/sadist/masochist/etc. to get you to do things you don’t want to do.
  7. If your partner is not clear about what they want and you or they do something unexpected.

Now, it is sometimes very difficult to get out of situation where any type of BDSM came second to the relationship. In these cases, your emotions are strong. You will want to ignore the fact that they are abusing you because in everything else they are fine or because you have been abused before and you think this is normal for you.

But you are worth more. You should be treasured and loved, not ignored and abused. Do not settle for anything less.

And for those who are worried that they may have accidentally abused someone, talk to them. Open the conversation. Ask questions and listen to the answers. And if the answers change how you should do things, then be smart and change. Everyone makes mistakes, but make sure you do not purposefully hurt someone.

Thanks for reading,

Ask me questions through comment section or email, if you so desire.

Also…here is a link to a fellow bloggers post: https://cuffscollars.wordpress.com/2017/02/02/bdsm-vs-abuse/

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